He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize