my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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