Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
