just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
