The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
