What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
