Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
