If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
