I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
