you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She bit a glass in half.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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