Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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