fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
