what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
