I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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