i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't put those talents on a resume
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
