peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
