He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize