I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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