yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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