hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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