Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
