i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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