hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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