My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sarcasm needs its own font
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize