the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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