a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
