i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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