Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
