smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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