apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
