I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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