Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
