You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
