everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
