I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
