Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize