half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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