i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
