Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
