How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
