I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
