yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My vagina is very pro this idea
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
