i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
