I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
