it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
