So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
