So drunk its hurt
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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