I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We had to coat check the pizza.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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