I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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