Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize