My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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