Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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