you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
