i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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