Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
