I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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