im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize