I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
