So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
