it glows. i had to have it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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