I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
