Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
