I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
