He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize