One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
