Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
