Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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