Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
