am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
