hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
