I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize