ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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