that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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