Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
