wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
