If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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