And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize