i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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