I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were trust falling into bushes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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