I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
