my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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